It rarely is a day if it is not with you. The words are like a clutter of a mob sinking into space. I know you like the rain that comes, angry as the clouds meekly rage in the silent skies. We try to be angry too but its tears wet our argument and we run. We run into an empty room where you hide the tears that have welled up within your eyes. You are the beautiful heroine in this story about a story that’s hardly amusing. Yet we are alone in this room and the thoughts that make our minds are mindless. I envision your naked dream, how the sight of your breast would look as the light glares at them, would they be standing like soldiers on a parade to war, or would they be as modest as the sweet arch of a mother bending to nurture her young seed. I debate with the lust in my mind and watch how your body flowed in the wet clothes. The tension was palpable but what was I to do? I could run into the rain again, but for how long could I run before you turn and realize that I was a coward to my own desires? I debated scarcely and my eyes wandered, and in a wild moment, the tension changed.
It is your room and I am the stranger. You move towards the window and stand, smiling as I shiver in the scathing cold. You took out your large jacket, threw it gently at me and whispered, “This may size you up perfectly”. I pause as I debated what exactly you meant, but I am not a soothsayer so I stand defeated, I take up the wet t shirt and for a minute you stared at me too, with that same lost look. I try to wear the jacket as fast as I could but I have no reprieve, the struggle was a clumsy fit of comical restraints, you laugh at my efforts and move towards me. I freeze as you come closer, bemused by what may have crossed your mind. You lean close to me and I feel the tender feel of your skin, how like the linen, the touch of your skin softly graced my body. And the fire started within, a ripple of desire that subdued my loins. I felt my river growing within. You did not seem to notice as you held me close, you unzipped the zipper that was my woe, and moved away while laughing at my clumsiness, it may feel corny but I love the way you laugh.
The jacket makes the room a little warm, I am on the bed as you search through your clothes, I watch you, and then you bend, the sight of your curves formed a perfect arch, it seemed a little strange but I moved below, excited by a darkness I rarely understand. But you still don’t notice. You just picked up the clothes, and without turning you undressed, naked as heavens truth, your body stood, staring at me, counting my desire like the waters of a rushing stream. My body quivered at the sight. I even saw you when I closed my eyes. You changed into a tight fitting trouser, and wore a t shirt like mine, then a jacket, and then you followed me to your bed. But the rain had done its damage as we found out. Both shivering under the blanket that covered us.
We remembered biology, how the heat between two bodies conducted. You turned and said I should wrap my arms around you, I hesitate and you hiss, but you cannot be deterred so you turned and faced me, drawing your firm petite frame into mine, you then turned facing the other way, wrapping my arms tamely around you. It felt magical, the feeling of our bodies side by side. And alone we drifted, in the warmth of a friendship we wandered into perfect dreams. Minutes later you brushed my hair, my faint sight caught a glimpse of your beautiful face. You lay over me, admiring whatever caught your fancy. “kiss me!!” you ordered as you leaned into me. I felt lost for I had never kissed another. But you were gentle, caring, you embraced my lips with a subtle grace, and as I returned the act, it felt like time slowed its movement to see us through. Back and forth we kissed, until I felt your hands losing its grip on me, the jacket slowly coming off. I had to stop you then. For though I loved nothing more, I could not steal your grace at just a glance, even though all desires said yes, I felt inclined to say no. the evening may be magical, but we would have to wake up to life tomorrow.
You left me on the bed, silent. Angry with a rage that showed the thought of rejection, you seem to think it’s about the girl from before but it is not. For no girl could cross the bounds of the feelings I have for you. But you are still angry that you offered me yourself and I rejected it. I like to think that such a moment was made for our regret, a simple pleasure that will drive a wedge. The truth is, I am afraid, but I am not afraid of you. I was afraid of me. And the many faces and mirrors in my life.
You never understood. You refused to talk to me for the rest of the week. I tried my best, but your silent walls were deafening, so I receded. But the end of the week showed you why, when walking alone, I collapsed on the floor with a violent jerk.
“ Run away” the crowd called out, and you stood there staring, watching as I convulsed, a little struggle, then a violent jerk, a little scratch, a beautiful madness, it was another face you had never seen, but it was still me underneath. The minutes ran longer as you cried, the voices of your friends were louder, “ how can you love a boy that is possessed?” they asked in their own veil of concern.
The questions haunted you, but I cannot blame you my love. It is a brutal world, and love pays its price. So I watched in silence, as you grew too afraid to talk to me; scared of what I was, unsure of what I wasn’t. The road between us grew long. My heart is here but yours is long gone. Away into the night of the lovers I would never have.
You see! This is a story about you. A girl I loved in spite of my faults, and how you showed me the lonely road, where what I had in the bag mattered. The insomnia grows through the nights. I have a host of new faces that I could not fully love. Afraid that my own shadow would outrun me someday. This story is not for regret, it is just to remind you that I am still searching for the love, which made me realize that loving you, was much greater than having you. But I am just a talking page, and you are you, I remain me.
BY Elijah Abuni Peter